I just finished listening to “On Killing” by Lt. Colonel Dave Grossman. It was a fascinating read and really opened up my eyes to the relationship men have with violence.
You may be asking yourself, “What does this have to do with clothing and why is this guy writing about it on a style site?”
Good question.
As you can imagine, given what I do for a living, my mind is always looking for the application of any principle to a context of appearance, style, and aesthetics.
Well, here’s a copy of one of the notes I took as I was listening.
The primary reasons soldiers kill are pressure from the other men in their group, respect for their leaders, desire to not lose face with either, and a desire to contribute to the common goals of the group – not ideology, fear, or hatred. Tell me again that men don’t care what anyone thinks of them.
You see, the most common response I get from men who are resistant to what I do and a man’s general concern for his appearance goes something along the lines of:
A real man doesn’t care what anyone else thinks of him.
I’m sure you’ve heard it before. You’ve probably even said it to yourself a time or two – especially after feeling a particular sting in an embarrassing situation or social faux pas.
We develop a sour-grapes attitude in an attempt to convince ourselves that the shame we feel is wrong, not the action that led to shame.
The problem is that men both always have and should be concerned what other people think of them.
However, the difference is in caring what the right people think.
Because no, a man shouldn’t be so overly concerned with the opinions of the general population that it affects his day-to-day life.
Instead, he should be concerned with the honor, respect, and esteem of the men in his group.
Men will kill for those they love, respect, and admire – not because they hate “them” but because they love “us.”
This is a good and essential thing. It’s what ties human societies and cultures together and allows us to thrive.
Because human beings are social creatures and we need each other.
If you’ve seen me speak at a conference or have purchased my Style as Storytelling Course, you know that what I’m saying here is that men need to dress to their tribe.
Because doing so well improve your life.
If I were to show up at a Beckett & Robb shop wearing cutoff shorts and a tank top, I’d be hurting my own standing within the tribe, along with affecting the way our group is perceived and interacted with by clients or others who are “outsiders”
And if I were to show up at Burning Man with a three-piece B&R suit, I’d be hurting my standing within that group but wouldn’t care about how it’s perceived by outsiders, because the crowd that attends the event isn’t my tribe.
Any man who tells you he doesn’t care what others think of him is either a liar or a sociopath.
The key is to stop pretending that what everyone thinks matters. Focus on the people who are important and use your appearance to improve your relationship within that group and help the tribe accomplish its goals.
The other day I had an employee of mine come by the shop after attending a networking event. We spent a good hour talking about things like the perception of our brand and our industry, along with ideas on how to help the average guy see the value in investing in quality menswear.
As we were talking, he told me about how he’s perceived amongst his own circle of friends. Whenever he goes out, even if it’s just to another friend’s house to watch Netflix on a Sunday evening, his default attire is a nice pair of pants and a button-up shirt. Whereas his friends almost always default to a T-shirt and jeans or sweats.
While he does get asked whey he dresses so well all the time, it’s not in a challenging way. In fact, more often than not, his friends will tell him that they wish they could dress like him, they just feel like they can’t pull it off.
Our conversation made me think of a bunch of different things, many of which I’ll be fleshing out in future posts and videos.
But the one that stood out to me the most was the inconsistency between the caliber of his friends and the way they choose to dress.
These guys are not slackers who are sitting around waiting for life to happen to them. They’re young men who are ambitious about their lives and are seeking to shape the world in their own image. The problem is that their clothing gives absolutely no indication of those ambitions or goals.
I want you to take a few seconds and think about the words you’d use to describe yourself. What are they? Do you like those words?
If not, I want you to think of the words you’d like to use to describe yourself.
Now stop reading and look down at what you’re wearing.
If I were to see you across the street from me, would I use the same words to describe you or the person you aspire to be? If not, then why in the world are you wearing what you are?
Clothing may not be a huge factor in determining the value of a man, his character, or his impact on the world, but it is the absolute first thing we use to tell the rest of the world who we are, and people are going to assess whether or not we’re worth getting to know better based on what we wear.
Are we wrong in that assessment?
Of course we can be. I’ve misjudged poor men favorably because of their clothing and vice versa. But, more often than not, we’re right. Because we can use our clothing to tell the world who we are, the tribe to which we belong, and whom we aspire to become.
Which brings us back to the original question: Are your clothes lying about you? Are they telling the world you’re something you’re not? Do they signal that you belong to a different group than you do? Do they adequately balance where you currently are with where you want to be?
If not, then you’re not dressed well and you’re missing out on opportunities to meet and develop solid relationships with people who can help you on your journey.
Why set yourself up to have to disprove the person your appearance says you are?
Be consistent in what your appearance says and what you actually are on the inside.
This post is sponsored by RibbedTee. For 20% off your purchase use the coupon code “MS20”
Believe it or not, undershirts are one of the more polarizing subjects in menswear. There are camps who argue vehemently that no man has any real reason to wear an undershirt and others who will contend just as forcefully that they should be worn every day.
This post will give you the three reasons I lean towards the wear-an-undershirt camp, along with some tips for buying the right kind of undershirt to avoid the problems the other team complains about.
I try to get as much bang for my buck when I purchase my clothing. As a result, I’m often willing to spend more on quality pieces than on cheap, Asian-made garbage that doesn’t even last an entire season.
That said, I’m not made of money and I want to ensure that the clothing I do invest in lasts as long as possible – a desire that applies to my shirts as much as to my suits and shoes.
One of the biggest advantages of an undershirt is the protection it offers your clothing from your sweat and natural oils, along with the substances and/or chemicals that can be found in things like deodorant.
The last thing I want in a nice, white dress shirt is yellow stains in the armpits. It’s aesthetically awful and breaks down the material in the shirt more quickly.
Dropping a few bucks on a quality undershirts and replacing them every year or so is infinitely easier on my wallet than having to replace an entire closet’s worth of shirts.
Sweat Protection
I sweat. You sweat. We all sweat.
Most of the time I sweat in the gym, but if I’m in a suit in the dead of summer, about to present in front of an audience, or am dealing with a particularly stressful phone call, I sweat.
And one of the last things I want people to see is me sweating – both because it looks bad and because it shows weakness.
A well-made undershirt isn’t necessarily going to stop all signs of sweat, but it does provide an extra layer that needs to be fully saturated before it’s visible through your shirt.
Protrusion Protection
And by protrusion I mean nipples.
There are many men in the world (myself included) who just seem to have a pair of diamond cutters on their chests. While it’s not exactly embarrassing, it can definitely be distracting. I know I don’t want a client to be paying attention to my chest as I’m walking him through the design of his new suit.
Whether it’s extra hard nipples, man boobs, or anything else that has a tendency to stick out, an undershirt adds an extra layer of suppression to help tone down the appearance of distracting elements.
How to Wear One
The difficulty isn’t in wearing it so much as in buying the right one – because it’s not just a matter of picking up a six-pack of white T-shirts at the nearest Wal-Mart.
Here are a few things to look for.
A deep V-neck. You don’t want anyone to know you’re wearing an undershirt, and it certainly shouldn’t affect the clean lines of the rest of your well-fitting wardrobe. A deep opening in the chest means there won’t be any distracting material when you wear your collar open.
A long body. Dress shirts are more comfortable and more effective when they’re tucked in. Make sure what you’re buying is designed for that purpose and is long enough to stay in place.
Shorter sleeves. This applies for all the same reasons as the deep V. You don’t want the sleeves of your undershirt popping out from beneath your shirt sleeves.
Snug fit. A properly fitting undershirt should be so snug you’d be uncomfortable wearing it on its own. A tight fit like this will ensure it doesn’t affect the drape of your other shirts and preserve the visual effect you’re after.
Where to Buy One
This is where my friends over at Ribbed Tee come in. I first met Mike at StyleCon back in 2014 and the guy is legit. He has invested a ton of time and energy into creating the ultimate undershirt and what he’s come up with is as near to perfect as I’ve seen.
Because Mike’s a friend, I’ve got a hook up for you as well. Head on over to Ribbed Tee and use the coupon code “MS20” for 20% off your purchase. These things are already a killer deal for their value and that extra 20% makes it even easier to stop destroying your nice clothes and embarrassing yourself in front of others.
I’ve been getting requests from readers to do fit breakdowns of my custom commissions – things like the design details and the changes I make to the pattern as I update my fit.
I figure, if I enjoy watching Full Day of Eating videos on fitness channels, then it’s not completely out of left field for people to want to see the details of some of my own orders.
So this post is the first in a series I’ll be calling “Fit Check” I don’t order new stuff in regularly, but when I do, I’ll be sure to give you a full breakdown of what I’ve done and how it turned out.