The term has been so misused, so twisted over the past few decades that it’s truly lost any semblance of its original meaning – both in technical definition and the principles it used to represent.
It is now a way for weak men to morally preen about their weakness and signal it as a virtue to all the other weak people around them. more “Why I’m Not a Gentleman”
I find myself wedged between two very interesting parts of the internet.
The first is the world of #menswear. It’s full of men who will devote thousands of hours and even more money to clothing and appearance. Many will get into heated arguments about differences that only affect our little world – things like the superiority of a Florentine silhouette vs one from London, the proper length of a tie, and whether the execution of a three-patterned ensemble is gauche or expertly crafted. I have my own opinions on these matters but find the debate interesting.
Most of the men in this part of the Internet can be found in white-collar environments. They have soft hands, hate violence, and typically lean left. They prefer large vocabularies, even larger universities, and never question the benefits of a secular, post-Christian Western culture.
The second is the world of the manosphere. It’s a rabbit-hole that can be overwhelming to fall into. There are myriad factions of men within this world – PUA’s, MRA’s, traditionalists, nihilists, fascists, and nearly every other “controversial” ideology you can come up with. Many will get into heated arguments about differences in how to approach the world – things like whether it’s masculine or suicidal to pursue a traditional family, the proper approach to dating, and whether a given approach to life or happiness is beta or alpha. I have my own opinions on these matters but find the debate interesting.
The men in this part of the Internet can be found everywhere, some in blue-collar jobs, others in offices, some are losers in their parents’ basements and others travel the world running their own successful businesses. They also prefer large vocabularies but hate large universities, and question the benefits (and durability) of a secular, post-Christian Western culture.
For the most part these worlds don’t overlap. The majority of men who focus on style see traditional masculinity as outmoded, oppressive, and dangerous. The majority of men who focus on masculinity, and its role in the modern world, see a focus on clothing as effeminate, shallow, and silly.
What many from the manosphere have accused me of doing is attempting to combine these two worlds. They assume I want everyone on the alt-right to dress as if they were attending NYFW or Pitti Uomo, or that I believe a man has to dress like I do in order to be truly masculine.
Which brings us to my favorite insult of the online world of men. I rarely read or hear it when discussions are had about me or my site. I know my presence in this part of the world isn’t massive and I’m not controversial enough to be worth talking about. However, I do hear it 90% of the time those who are in favor of traditional masculinity discuss those who oppose it.
Those skinny-jeaned….
He’s a skinny jean wearing….
They think their skinny jeans….
Pay attention to it. Listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, and read some posts. Inevitably, an insult for the modern man includes his clothing.
I love it because it proves what I’m attempting to do with Masculine Style. I don’t advocate that all men wear suits, nor that they all adopt skinny jeans. I also don’t believe that a tighter pair of pants automatically disqualifies a male from being traditionally masculine.
What I do believe and teach is that clothing matters. Even if you say it doesn’t matter to you, you use clothing to define your enemies. It’s a way for both of these large, messy, discombobulated tribes to identify who’s in and who’s out.
The more I hear it the more I love it. And the more I hear it, the more I realize how true it is.
There isn’t a uniform for being a man. One tribe’s skirt is another tribe’s kilt. What can be deemed effeminate or weak in one culture can be a sign of strength and virility in another.
However, the consistent thread is always there – men use clothing to signal their status, fitness, and value to their tribe. Period. End Post. Full stop.
Recently Vice published a photo series taken of men from the Mighty Mongrel Gang in New Zealand.
Fascinating isn’t a strong enough word to describe these men. I’m going to remove all moral assessments of who these men are and what they’ve done. It’s very easy for me to sit here, on my porch in the suburbs, typing on a Macbook, to say that these are bad men.
In all honesty, I think I immediately go there because they intimidate me. Hell, they terrify me. I can’t imagine being face-to-face with one of these men.
So it’s easy for me to write them off as bad. What I can’t do is say they’re not good at being men. When it comes to the amoral virtues of Brett McKay’s Provide, Protect, and Procreate along with Jack Donovan’s Strength, Courage, Mastery, and Honor, these mobsters are most likely excellent at being men.
With that as our base, and understanding that this is a style blog, I want to talk about their appearance.
It’s men like these who prove it a lie when other’s say things like “real men don’t care about the way they look. They just do what they do and don’t care what anybody thinks of them.”
This doesn’t happen when a man doesn’t care about how is appearance influences people around him.
There is meaning and intentionality in the colors, materials, styles and cuts they choose to wear. All of these are reflective of the men and what they want to advertise to the world around them.
Their tattoos are an excellent way of demonstrating loyalty to their tribe while removing themselves completely from the rest of society. These men are so committed to their way of life that they have permanently altered their appearances in a way that makes them completely incapable of escaping the tribe from which they originate. That same loyalty is indicative in their clothing.
Notice the fascist aesthetic and the nazi symbolism? These are not men who are concerned about whether or not the rest of the world believes them to be nice, tolerant, or non-judgmental. They don’t need us to like them. They don’t care what we think. We are not part of their tribe and they want us to be afraid of them.
And it doesn’t stop with just the men. They understand that a tribe’s ability to continue to remain relevant depends on its growth. Growth stems from ritual, and much of the way we dress ourselves each day is related to ritual. An office worker goes through the ritual of putting on a suit and tie each day. A member of the Mongrel Mob has his ceremonial and ritualized clothing. They pass these rituals and this aesthetic identity along to their women and children to ensure that the tribal identity is congruent for all members and that its values are upheld by the following generation.
Is their clothing what makes them men or makes their tribe? Absolutely not. But they would look entirely different and therefore communicate something entirely different were these portraits taken in bespoke suits.
Last week I got an email from graduate student at USC who is working on a thesis about masculinity in America. She asked if I would answer some questions, and I was happy to do so. I doubt my views will be popular amongst her colleagues. I know they weren’t when I was studying journalism during my time as a student, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be positively received by some.
This post contains her questions and my answers – primarily because I want to have a public record of everything as I read and wrote it. Secondly, I thought they were good, thought-provoking questions that made me think a bit deeper on the topic.
Age: 30
Job/Title – Company: Creator of Masculine Style
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
1. How would you define masculinity?
Masculinity is amoral. It is what distinguishes adult males from adult females and adult males from children. Humans are sexually dimorphic and masculinity consists of both the natural and cultural ways in which men distinguish themselves from women and children. Women may develop, envy, or demonstrate cultural traits of masculinity but they will never be able to supersede the sexual dimorphism of our species.
The two best explanations I’ve read on masculinity come from men who have studied and discussed the topic extensively.
Jack Donovan uses the four tactical virtues of Strength, Courage, Honor, and Mastery to distinguish a man who is good at being a man.
Brett McKay uses the three P’s of Provide, Protect, and Procreate to establish man’s natural and cultural responsibilities throughout history.
2. How do you think society views masculinity?
I believe Western society views masculinity as an outdated aspect of a rougher society at best and an outright threat to peace and prosperity at worst. Even when masculinity is celebrated, it is most often only done so in relation to how men have a positive effect on women and children. While I do believe that part of masculinity can be defined within relation to children and women, more important is how men perceive, respect, and interact with each other.
This view of men defining masculinity and carrying it out serve our own purposes is anathema to our current culture.
3. What’s your background? What pushed you to starting Masculine Style and consulting with men?
I grew up inSalt Lake City Utah as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I’m married with two children. I graduated from the University of Utah with a degree in Broadcast Journalism and the hopes of pursuing a career in radio.
Masculine Style was started as a way for me to continue to blog, write, and hone my voice, but to move away from heavier topics like politics and religion. It started as a hobby and became a business when my wife gave birth to our first child and my responsibilities to provide became greater.
4. How would you describe a masculine look?
A masculine look is characterized by prioritizing respect over attraction. Men value the respect of other men and also understand that the love of women cannot be maintained without their respect as well. This respect may come from following or defying convention, but the purpose is always to demonstrate a respect for self and the expectation of respect from others.
5. What types of colors/clothing/brands etc. is usually incorporated with your style?
Six out of seven days a week I’m in a button-up shirt with a jacket – most often a full suit-and-tie ensemble. When I’m not in a suit I’m in clothing that serves to enhance the activity I’m participating in, both from a physical and a social perspective.
Colors, brands, and types of clothing are largely irrelevant because different cultures, subcultures, and tribes all value and demonstrate respect for men differently. A suit is as out of place at a skatepark as skinny jeans, Vans, and a baggy T-shirt are in a boardroom. The same man may comfortably and congruently wear both, but style is when he wears them in the correct environment and in front of the correct audience.
6. What types of men usually visit your site or use you as a consultant?
My readers are the best. Time and again they’ve demonstrated themselves as men who seek improvement and want to better themselves in as many ways as possible. Most understand that clothing is not a crucial aspect of masculinity, but it IS an aspect, and one that can be both quickly and easily improved. They use this change as a catalyst to grow in other areas.
I’ve worked with men from all over the world and from all walks of life: blue-collar, white-collar, gay, straight, fathers, pick-up artists, nihilists, and influencers. All of them are unapologetically men and want to use their clothing to communicate their masculinity.
7. Are there any role models you believe that hold the masculine look best? or inspiration you use for consulting?
Role models are largely subjective. Some men aspire to be like James Bond while others value Michael Jordan. The problem with currently using role models is that most modern men are caricatures of masculinity. Our society looks up to movies stars, athletes, and entertainers rather than providers, protectors, warriors, or philosophers. There were men in the past who better embodied aspirational masculinity, but emulating their style is as silly as emulating their mannerisms or their speech patterns. A man can look to Teddy Roosevelt, Ghandi, or Aristotle as an example of masculinity and understand that dressing like them won’t serve his purposes.
8. Can you explain a bit about the 3 Archetypes of Masculine Style?
With an understanding of the Four Tactical Virtues and the 3 P’s of Manhood, I believe that men fall somewhere within a spectrum of three archetypes of Masculinity. They are:
Rugged – men who exert their influence over the world physically
Refined – men who exert their influence over the world financially or socially
Rakish – men who exert their influence over the world through rebellion
Very rarely do I find men who don’t exhibit some measure of all three archetypes. More rare is the man who evenly embodies all three. Part of my coaching process is to help men understand where they fall within these three archetypes and then to teach them to dress accordingly. Congruence is key in dressing well and I don’t believe a man can dress well without first knowing who he is, who his tribe is, who he wants to be, and who he wants his tribe to be.
Anything else you think is important to know?
Like I stated above, I believe that clothing and appearance are an aspect of masculinity, even if they are not a crucial part. If I objectively knew that a doctor, who appeared homeless, was better than one in a suit, I’d take the homeless-looking one. That being said, we very rarely know the objective value of people or their skills and we use clothing, grooming, and appearance as a shortcut to both communicate and perceive our value.
One of the interesting things about writing is the opportunity to develop friendships with people with whom a man would never have contact otherwise. One of these friendships I developed years ago with a man named Athol Kay.
Athol runs a great site and coaching service called Married Man Sex Life. Don’t let the ambiguity of the name fool you, it’s a site geared towards helping men improve their sex lives with their wives. There is a ton of information and Athol really knows his stuff. However, to boil it down to its essence, I would say his overall philosophy is that most relationships suffer because husbands stop doing things that build attraction as a result of being too focused on building comfort.
All marriages need both attraction and comfort. Without the former it’s not really a marriage, it’s a business and/or roommate agreement that involves finances, household responsibilities, children, etc. Without the latter, it’s not really a marriage, it’s a sexual liaison with the potential for separation as soon as a better sexual option presents itself.
One of the key points that Athol hits on is the idea of building structural attractors. These are things that take some initial effort up front, but once they’ve been established, really only require maintenance. The two examples he uses most commonly are that of having a well-paying job and getting into shape.
Both of these make sense. Women are not only attracted to, but also find comfort in a successful husband. It demonstrates his ability to provide but also exert a level of control over his sphere of influence. Whether a man finds a great job, builds a business, or combines some measure of the two, attaining a high-level career requires a lot of initial effort. There are long hours to be worked, ambitious hurdles to jump, key relationships to establish, and other time-consuming steps. However, keeping and even excelling in a great job typically requires less effort than landing one.
The same goes for getting into shape. As I’ve started to learn from personal experience, effectively losing fat and building muscle requires a lot of meticulous effort. There are calories to be counted, macros to be conscious of, cardio to be done, weights to be lifted, and sacrifices to be made. The first few weeks or even months in the gym can be discouraging. They require the mental exercise of learning and developing proper form, on top of the physical effort of performing the actual lifts. Breaking out of the meal inertia of eating cheap, easy junk food is difficult and can often upset the balance of the whole family. However, after a little while the lifts come naturally, the food is easier to prepare and eat, and less discipline is required as a man’s body takes on its proper form.
The point of both of these is to have them be something that can be done on autopilot once an acceptable level of accomplishment has been achieved. They become passive systems in regards to the amount of effort a man has to put in, while still remaining active systems in building attraction with women and respect from men.
Style is another great structural attractor. It should come as no surprise that women while find a man more attractive and men will find him more respectable if he not only knows how to dress appropriately but how to dress well.
The initial process takes some active effort. It means paying for new clothing, learning guidelines about how to dress better, discovering the unique strengths and weaknesses of each man’s body and building a wardrobe that works within those constrain, adjusting to new, unfamiliar fits and styles, building a wardrobe wherein each item works with the others, and even finding clothing that is consistent with a man’s lifestyle.
It’s not easy at first and does require a lot of effort and investment. However, once a man has the foundations of a good wardrobe established, it becomes incredibly simple and passive to be well-dressed.
A maintenance level is easier to attain than most men think. It doesn’t require a closet as big as a guest bedroom and a different pair of shoes for every day of the month. In fact, the whole reason I write about the Staples is to give men the key pieces needed in a well-rounded wardrobe. Sure it’s nice to have things beyond just the basics, but they’re unnecessary when it comes to building a competent closet.
Once that structure of a stylish wardrobe is established, it frees a mans mind and time to focus on other, more important things – which is really the point of all of this. Clothing is a means to an end, and once a man’s style is established, it can be a passive means, freeing up his mental energy to work on other elements of being a better man.
