Posts

Image and Substance

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9 January, 2014

It’s easy for us to think that we live in a time like no other. Our advances in technology, the pervasiveness of democracy, the modern contempt for gods and religion, are all relatively unique when seen through an historical lens. At the same time, human nature changes little and even the rise and fall of entire societies is cyclical – we just have to look back far enough.

I say this because the lamentation of the way things are is often proclaimed with the addendum that it’s something new to this generation, this country, this society, etc. I don’t really believe that’s the case. While the successes and failures of any given person or culture may manifest themselves differently, the things that create these results have most likely been a part of human history since the beginning.

One aspect that I believe has been near-ubiquitous is the playing of extremes against the middle. We see this in politics, in “class warfare,” the battle of the sexes, and we even see it in the relationship between image and substance.

Because image and appearance is more closely associated with a woman’s value (for better and worse), let’s start by evaluating there.

Any normal man has women in his life. It may be family, friends, current lovers or former, in-laws, siblings, at least co-workers. All of these women are constantly being given conflicting information about the importance of their appearance.

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The most common trope is that a woman should do all that she can to maximize her beauty. Billions of dollars are spent on makeup, clothing, diets, gym memberships, magazine subscriptions, lingerie, and other means to accomplishing the end of beauty.

While it’s not the responsibility of companies involved in the beauty industry to talk about the importance of substance, too many women forget to develop other essential parts of their character in their attempt to become a modern-day Venus.

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However, these same women are then bombarded with counter philosophies and arguments. Things like fat acceptance and thin shaming attempt to completely turn the beauty paradigm on its head. Other philosophies, like the idea that image doesn’t matter and anyone who focuses on it is shallow and materialistic allow average or lazy women to justify their apathy or minimal efforts in presenting themselves as beautifully as possible.

This may be a smaller voice but it’s prevalent. I believe the balance between the two to be about 80% pro traditional beauty 20% anti or indifferent to time-proven standards of beauty. These ratios make sense when we understand that men are visual creatures and one of our primary attractors is a woman’s physical appearance and fitness.

What’s interesting though, is the same thing happens with the world of men. The overall emphasis on a man’s appearance (or lack thereof) is much smaller than it is for women, but that’s because a man’s looks aren’t as important in attracting women as hers are for him. It doesn’t mean they’re not a factor, they’re just not the number one or two priority.

Men are given different instructions and in harsher tones.

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From clear back in the Victorian era (if not before), being overly concerned with his appearance meant a man was considered to be gay. The term Dandy was short for Dandelion, which is an older term along the lines of “queer” today.

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At the same time, respectable men have always looked down on those who didn’t dress consciously or show any concern for their outward appearance. Outsiders were either identified as slobs or barbarians, and much of this was easily detected by the way the man appeared.

The point of all this is to illustrate the idea that it has been historically very easy to convince men and women to separate image and substance. By focusing on the extremes of image, whether in favor or opposed to its importance, it becomes all too easy to separate image from its primary function – demonstrating substance.

The modern, equalist movement wants to remove all meaning from image, whereas the image industry wants to ascribe the highest value in life to the realm of aesthetics. One claims there is no substance in image. The other says there is no substance but image. Both are wrong.

Yes there’s some nuance to it, but that’s the gist.

A man’s image should demonstrate his substance not replace it or have nothing to do with it.

While physical appearance may not have as strong of a bearing on a man as it does on a woman, it is wise to understand there is value in it. We as men should be focused primarily on cultivating our character and substance. We should build on masculine virtues like strength, mastery, and honor, and the way in which we present ourselves to the rest of the world should reflect the development of those traits.

So don’t get so caught up in image that it becomes an end to itself. Yes dressing well, having a good physique, and being well-groomed are all to a man’s advantage, but not when they are inconsistent with or come at the expense of his character.

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New Year New Goals

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7 January, 2014

I know first hand how easy it can be to get cynical about setting goals for yourself in the new year. The gym this week has been full of resolutioners that I’m hoping will all have given up and quit so I can go back to a regular routine and not have to compete for the free weights.

But if we ignore the hype, the marketing, the failures, and all of the other negative aspects of reinventing ourselves at the beginning of each year, we can see the original intent. A man should constantly be striving for improvement. There’s something inherently ungrateful about satisfaction with where we are. It implies that we’re content with our results moreso than with our abilities to get results. One is a focus on things, the other is a focus on who we are as men.

While I have my own list of personal goals I’m still setting and developing, I have a few for the site I’d like to share with my readers. I’ve heard pros and cons to publishing goals. Some argue it gives us the satisfaction of feeling like we’ve accomplished them before we actually do so. I however, feel that making you all aware of my goals makes me more accountable to accomplish them. So here’s what I’m planning to make happen this next year.

Focus more on the “Masculine” of Masculine Style

As I’ve mentioned before, there’s only so much that can be said about dressing classically. The rules and guidelines have existed for years with only minor tweaks and variations. Other style-focused blogs will tend to go in one of two directions – either a focus on what’s fashionable and trendy, or going into nitty-gritty details that appeal more to men who consider clothing as a hobby than just an everyday part of life.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been tempted and have even dabbled in both of those approaches. I also will continue to do so. Just because a man wants to dress timelessly doesn’t mean he can’t or shouldn’t capitalize on a trend when it’s in his best interest. Nor does a man’s comparative lack of passion for #menswear mean he won’t benefit from a deeper understanding of what goes into his clothing and why it looks the way it does.

However, my focus has always been about the exploration of clothing as an expression of masculinity. As a result, my audience is different from most other style blogs. If I want to dive deeper into the aesthetic effects of maleness and masculinity, I also want to better understand what it means to be a man.

Many of my new posts will be musings in this regard. I don’t write from an authoritative perspective, because I’m not a master of masculinity. Rather, this will become a place to explore philosophy and build on the self-improvement that comes from attempting to be a better man.

As a result, I’ll be expecting more comments and conversation on these posts. Which leads me to my next goal.

Respond more quickly and more often to comments

This is not a strong suit of mine. I read every comment that comes up on the blog, but, if I’m not in a position to respond immediately, I often forget to do so. If I want this to be a format that better fosters discussion, I need to be the first person to take that step and respond when you guys reach out to me.

Site Redesign

It’s long overdue. When this was just a fledgling blog, the theme I chose was a great option that omitted everything that would distract from the content. However, as things have grown into a business and a more in-depth approach to the subject, this same layout has become a perfect example of sacrificing function for the sake of form.

Plan on a design that will still be minimal, but will also allow for better navigation and more structure.

Finish the Staples series and create an eBook

I only have a few of these left to do. The big delay in finalizing these last posts has been finding companies to sponsor each staple and to work out time with a photographer. While earlier on I was able to write these quickly and just use cell-phone pictures my wife shot, this has become my biggest draw and deserves more professionalism.

Once I have the final Staple post finished, I’ll be going through and re-writing them, along with taking professional photos for all, and compiling them into an eBook. This will be a great way for me to get new readers and an easy way for both new and existing readers to know which items they should have in their wardrobes.

Expand into writing about fitness and grooming

These are two areas where I have seen (or at least am starting to see) a lot of personal growth. I’m no expert in either of these fields, so this may involve guest posts or just a ton of research on my part throughout the year. Expect posts on diet, exercise, hair cuts, smells, etc. I’ll never be the metro guy who moisturizes each night and gets manicures, but there’s a minimal level of grooming each man should take advantage of to present himself in the best light possible.

Increase blogger outreach

The plan is to have this be something that goes both ways. Meaning I’ll have more guest posts and interviews with bloggers here, along with outreach to blog for other sites and work with podcasters.

Increase newsletter scope and frequency

Right now I’m putting out a newsletter about once a month. While I don’t want to spam your inboxes, I do want to reach out more frequently. By the end of the first quarter, I hope to have a rhythm that will allow me to send one out every other week.

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One thing many of you may notice is missing from this list is “write a book.” This is still a long-term goal, but not one that I can feasibly see happening this year. As Beckett & Robb continues to grow, my responsibilities within the company expand as well. We’re at that unique stage where there’s more work than there is enough staff to handle it all – so each one of us is responsible for multiple things. Pair that with my family (which will see an increase of one by March) and my own fitness and personal goals, and you get a picture that doesn’t have enough room for a full book. I don’t want to just crank something out for the sake of doing so. It’ll happen. It may even happen this year, but it’s not a reasonable goal for me to set right now.

Essentially, I feel like the last two years have had a great focus on the bullseye of my target. It’s not perfect, but I have a good base that can still see some fleshing out and refinement. However, I now have the opportunity to expand out by a ring or two, increasing the scope by which both masculinity and style are perceived by men of the world. I’m looking forward to this year.

Alexander Before and After

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19 December, 2013

I haven’t done one of these in a while, but I have a client who’s had some great results with one of my Online Consultations. Here’s what he sent me as part of the ordering process.

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He was already conscious of the way he dressed, and was doing better than most when it comes to taking risks and proper proportions. However, the colors he was wearing were wrong for his skin tone and the fit still left something to be desired.

We’ve been working together since September and here are a few pics that he just sent me this week. Notice the different in the fit, the coloring, and the overall presence it gives him.

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This is the reason I write this blog and offer consultations. I love seeing men make the transition from well intentioned to well dressed. In the before pictures, you’ll notice that his skin looks ashen and wan. Just by choosing colors that are flattering to his skin tone, he looks healthy and even a bit more tan.

The baggy shirts and pleated pants from before have been replaced by items that were custom made to fit his body. They follow his natural lines and give you an idea of who the man is who’s wearing the clothing.

We’ve still got a few more items to look for, but I’m excited to see this much progress and look forward to working with him more in the future.

If you’re interested in a similar change for yourself or someone you know, check out my Services Page.

What to Wear for Christmas Dinner

10 December, 2013

The time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s is packed full of family events. Unfortunately, the dress code for these types of events can be difficult to navigate.

This increases as a man has more and more dinners to attend. It’s not unheard of for some families to try to juggle three different meals, with three different groups of families, all in one day.

And to take it even further, each dinner or get-together may have an entirely different feel. Here’s an example from my own life.

My wife and I grew up literally less than half a mile away from each other. We come from similar economic backgrounds, the same religious background, and obviously live in the same climate. All of those factors being equal doesn’t change the fact that our two families have entirely different expectations for holiday meals.

My family tends to function on structure. I remember when we would get together for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner at my grandma’s house and resenting the fact that we’d have to wear button-up shirts and sweaters. My mom would comb our hair and make sure our shirts were tucked in. While dinner with my parents isn’t as strict as it was with the grandparents, we still fall more into the Rockwell-esque painting of Dad at the head of the table, everyone sitting in their place, table decor that is appropriately tasteful and seasonal without being overwhelming, and a feeling that’s more formal.

Contrast this with my wife’s family. While Christmas dinner is a bigger deal than the standard Sunday meal, it’s still organized chaos. My wife’s family is a group of people who treats anyone like blood as soon as they cross the threshold, so we never really know who’s going to be there for Christmas dinner. It may be her sister’s boyfriend, a neighbor lady from down the street, extended family of aunts and grandparents, or even just another sibling’s roommate. It’s not a rare occurrence for someone in the family to be at the table in sweats and a T-shirt. However, what my wife’s family lacks in formality, they more than make up for  when it comes to an inviting atmosphere and spontaneous, heartfelt conversation.

It would be silly to change clothes in the couple of hours between the two meals with our families. As important as a man’s clothing can be, I’m not one who subscribes to the idea that clothing needs to be changed as soon  as the venue does. This is especially true when both of our families live an hour away from us and each other (my parents have since moved).

So it’s in my best interest, as I’m sure it’s in many of yours, to wear something this Christmas that will be as comfortable and versatile as it can be. The principle of High/Low is our best rubric for a day like this, and here’s what I’ve come up with.

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Cords: Corduroy’s origination can be traced as far back as ancient Egypt. Its name is even believed to be a poor English translation of the french corde du roi or “cloth of the king.” With roots like that, it’s a cloth that is appropriate and at home for the formal family. At the same time, this weave that was once only available to kings became a workwear staple during the industrial revolution. Cords are rugged and durable – making them ideal for a family dinner that’s more casual. Opt for them in a dark, neutral color like the brown above and stick with a wale (the size of the ridge) between eight and 14. The lower the number, the thicker the ridge and the more casual it appears.

Oxford Cloth Button Down: There are few pieces of clothing as versatile as the OCBD. These shirts are seen on men in presidential tours and on teenagers at band practice. I’d tuck it in while I’m with the more formal family and untuck it in the casual environment. It will be comfortable, warm, and breathable either way. Stick with a soft shade like white, blue, or lavender and make sure to leave the top two buttons undone.

Peacoat: A man needs to stay warm while traveling between dinners. Many families don’t just stick around inside either. The peacoat has its origination in the Navy. It’s casual enough that it can be worn while out chopping down a Christmas tree, but – if it’s well-tailored – is still dressed up enough that it will be consistent with the rest of this look as well. Navy is the most versatile shade, but versions in grey, charcoal, and camel are great as well.

Shawl Collar Cardigan: The beauty of layers is that they can be shed easily. That removability is what makes the sweater the lynch pin in this whole setup. This is what I’d wear with my family and then get rid of while I’m with my wife’s. It dresses the whole look up by having it, and ditching it keeps everything else laid back and relaxed.

Casual Watch: A simple watch with a neutral nato strap is appropriate in most environments. While dinner with a family like mine may feel more formal, we’re still not in an office or black-tie scenario. A casual watch won’t stand out in either.

Marled Socks: These are a nod to the weather. Thicker socks are going to be warm and more comfortable. The marled pattern also dresses them down. While it’s ideal for the relaxed atmosphere, it also plays well with the High/Low look of a formal one. Socks (like the watch) are such a small detail that they’re a great way to sneak in casual elements.

Winter Boots: These are a total cheater item. With real winter boots like these, it’s fairly obvious you’re going to be taking them off at the front door and not wearing them while inside. It’s a great way to avoid being too stiff with a family like mine or too formal with a family like my wife’s. They’re also the best shoes for transit between families and other outdoor activities throughout the day.

How to Relax Your Look

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3 December, 2013

This is a guest post from Nicolas over at Kinowear – a great style blog for guys who live casually but still want to dress well and look like men.

We all know that there’s a time and a place for dressing down, being able to exude that laidback vibe while feeling comfortable, but that doesn’t mean that it’s a)intuitive or b) something to be overlooked when it comes to your style. When you take a look in your closet and see the well fitting suit jackets, the quality silk ties and those crisp, clean shirts it can be all too easy to think that dressing down simply means throwing on a pair of jeans with it all. In reality, that’s not going to do you any favors. The long and short of it is that you can’t reuse your formal attire if you want to achieve a laidback look: you need to invest in some casual clothing that will retain your style and keep you comfortable.

We know that you’re fashion enthusiasts like us, and we also know that you like to take pride in your appearance, enjoying classy outfits that exude sophistication. Over at the blog, we’re interested in young, dynamic fashion and we reckon that we’ve got some fantastic free advice that can help you go even further in your style. The Free Kinowear Crash Course to receive punchy, short advice that won’t take you ages to read. Click here to join the course.

We’re going to discuss three staples when it comes to dressing down: jeans, jackets and casual shirts. We’ll explain how to choose them and then combine them to create the desired dressed down look.

#1 – Jeans (and not just any old jeans)

The first staple of your dressing down closet should be that infamous pair of jeans. And we’re not talking the pre-faded, stonewashed monstrosities that are covered with blingy buttons and excessive seams. For a laidback look you want to go for a raw, slim fitted pair that are a dark blue (NOT black). In fact, the darker the better. Over at Kinowear we’re forever singing the praises of raw jeans for a multitude of reasons, but all you need to know is that they’re perfect for dressing down and they get even better over time: the pre-faded creatures will hang their metaphorical heads in shame.

Jeans are an investment, so don’t be afraid to splash out for a quality pair, but you need to know what you’re looking for. Fabric is super important: you want a tight mesh in terms of the denim that’s regular throughout – this regularity will make the jeans more attractive. Sizing is crucial, because I can guarantee most guys end up wearing the wrong size. When you try them on they should be tight, especially around the butt and thighs. They shouldn’t be hideously uncomfortable when you do up the button on the waistband, but you shouldn’t be able to shove your hand down there either. Denim stretches, so if they feel a little too tight to begin with don’t panic. When it comes to the length, you’re going to want a concertina effect at the ankles rather than them cutting you off in the wrong place: the fabric should fold a little.

#2 – Jackets (not to be thrown on in a hurry)

Staple number two is a jacket. And not the beautifully tailored, pristine thing that you wear with your suits – that just won’t work if you want to dress down. The fabric here is essential for giving the impression that you’re going laidback. Generally, rougher fabrics are what you’re after for dressing down, so head for the classic tweed, thick wool and flannel jackets rather than the thin fabric that has that fluid quality about it when it falls and that very formal sheen.

We’d normally say how the fit of a jacket is super important, but it’s not quite the same criteria when you’re dressing down. Obviously you shouldn’t be wearing the wrong size, but you want less structure from the jacket and it should be shorter than the classic suit jacket which will certainly help you to achieve that relaxed look.

However, don’t see a short suit jacket and go and grab it without thinking about those little details that are going to make more of a difference than you think: patch pockets are far more casual than pocket flaps and will impact enormously on your overall look. The color of a jacket is slightly more complicated than for a pair of jeans because there’s just more choice, but fear not: you’re after earthy tones like shades of brown, beige and tan, and a nice little detail that you can also look for is speckling of another color when you look at the fabric closely. This isn’t to say you should be going for outlandish patterns, but those subtle speckles can really enhance your look.

It might be a small detail, but these patch pockets are instantly adding a laidback feel to this jacket.

#3 – Shirts: can they ever be casual?

Shirts are a tricky one. When you’re used to wearing a formal shirt and tie it can be difficult to adjust to more casual styles, but you can make the transition more easily by going for an Oxford shirt. These shirts are easy to wear and use a laidback material that can still be worn with a blazer if you feel a bit too laidback, and you can still look for those quality touches you’d be after with a dress shirt: the seams, buttons and reinforcements, for example. You’ve got a choice of colors so you don’t have to worry about stumbling over extravagant patterns and garish designs, and they’re the best way of delving into the world of dressing down if you want to give it a go.

Chambray shirts are another great way of relaxing your look. You can go as far as wearing them open with a white T-shirt underneath, or just wear them on their own: a blue colored chambray shirt has workwear connotations so you shouldn’t feel too intimidated by giving it a go.

For the more adventurous amongst you, or for those who feel more advanced in terms of creating style, checked shirts are definitely an option. They ooze masculinity with a lumberjack-esque edge, and the relaxed material alone will instantly dress your look down. There’s a wide range of sizes in terms of the squares themselves, and it’s really a matter of taste: smaller squares have a certain level of refinement that you might prefer and feel more comfortable with.

There are some very interesting general points to note when it comes to shirts. Firstly, the collar. It is not going to go well if you go for an enormous collar on a casual shirt where you have no intentions of wearing a tie. Instead, you’re after smaller collars that aren’t imposing and will look perfect without a tie: an instant dressed down feel. Secondly, you want to consider the length. For a more casual look you should opt for shirts that you don’t tuck into your pants, so you definitely shouldn’t be going for shirts that will hang over your butt! Think about the length of the shirt in relation to a jacket, for example, and that should be a good indicator.

Check out the shirt length here – perfect for an untucked, casual look

Outfit Examples – this is how it’s done…

Just to show you some of these ideas in practice, here are two outfits that we’ll quickly explain:

This guy isn’t just literally ‘laid back’…

This combination is exactly what a relaxed look is all about. The softer structure of the jacket makes it a perfect combination with those dark jeans and immediately oozes relaxation with those pushed up sleeves. The shirt, worn open, needs no tie and complements both the jeans and the light-colored jacket.

Dressing down isn’t synonymous with sweatpants and sneakers…

The casual look here is very much completed by the dark, crumpled jeans. Rolled hems are also a nice touch: the look is carefully considered and not just thrown together. Pairing a dark sweater with a white T-shirt brings out some contrast in color and makes the outfit more appealing.

This look is very similar: those jeans scream ‘look how laidback I am!’

And there we have it! So when you’re scouring your closet for dressing down, remember to avoid clobbering your quality pieces with a pair of pre-faded jeans. Instead go and invest in some staples that can be mixed and matched and will serve you well.

Who is Nicolas?

I’m the author of this post and editor at Kinowear.com.

At Kinowear we help men choose pieces of clothing and put together simple yet stunning outfits.

Join me on the blog to learn how to dress sharply.