Those of you who subscribe to my newsletter know I’m in the middle of reading the The 48 Laws of Power. It’s been a great read thus far and it’s amazing to see how true and applicable these laws really are. One Law that I read recently was number 30 – Make your accomplishments seem effortless.

This shouldn’t be news to anyone. Nobody wants to see another man struggle. Rather than granting us awe and respect his effort, it makes his accomplishments appear commonplace and achievable for anyone. To the contrary, when a man is able to do great things with apparent ease, he seems to be more than just a man.

In a study of masculinity, it’s easy to come across the philosophy that aloof indifference is a signal of strength. Men who don’t flinch at danger or conflict are seen as well-seasoned and above the fray. Men who are able to handle crises, keep their cool under pressure, and accomplish difficult tasks without breaking a sweat are all revered and respected for the ease with which they handle adversity.

What’s funny is how easily this aloofness is confused with apathy. You’ll notice that the law is not – Live your live effortlessly. In order to gain any sort of respect, a man still has to accomplish something. My 16-month-old daughter lives with an enviable ease, and a grown man who was as dependent and non-contributing as she is would not be deserving of an ounce of respect. The two go hand in hand. A man must accomplish things and he must appear to accomplish them with no excess of effort. Without accomplishing anything, he quickly makes himself known as the slug that he is. Without making it look easy, he loses his advantage over other, mediocre men.

The same confusion happens with a man’s wardrobe. The average 21st-century guy rightly wants to avoid the appearance of putting too much effort into his… appearance. So he overcorrects by making it look like he’s put no thought into it whatsoever. He believes that others will perceive his apathy as nonchalance, and goes about his life without giving more than a basic thought to the clothing he puts on his body.

The opposite is the dandy. This is the modern, #menswear-obsessed male who tries to use his status on Style Forum and r/malefashionadvice as a way to boost credibility with his peers. He fails to realize that his obsession with clothing lays bare the hard work he puts into his appearance – making his accomplishments seem anything but effortless.

And no, the irony of me, a style blogger, writing about this is not lost on me. But there’s a correct balance to strike here. Yes there is a need for a focus on improvement. For a man to truly dress well and have his appearance be an accomplishment worth emulating and admiring, there needs to be some serious effort. And yes, even if style is something he enjoys to the extent he can call it hobby, a man still should avoid the demonstration of his practice and study.

I’ve alluded to this before, but an understanding of motivations and the perceptions of other people should drive the point home further. The best approach to dressing well is to invest time and energy when finding clothing and while prepping during the morning routine. After that, sprezzatura is accomplished when a man forgets everything about his appearance for the rest of the day. He doesn’t need to constantly primp, adjust, discuss, or worry about the way he looks.

The real difference between nonchalance and apathy is the preparation that goes on behind the scenes. A man who’s purchased the correct kind of vehicle, kept up its maintenance, made an effort to learn proper driving technique, and paid attention to the forecast can drive in the heaviest blizzard almost as if it were a calm summer day. His preparation grants him peace. The same man would put himself and others in danger if he tried to have the same at-ease attitude while driving in a poor vehicle, in even poorer condition, with no understanding of how to drive in the snow, and no idea that a flurry is about to blow in.

When a man is at the gym he should talk about his routine for staying in shape, when a man is at work, he should talk about his job, when a man is with his tailor he should focus discuss and learn everything he can about the best ways to improve his wardrobe. But when a man is outside of his bubble, when he’s in public and presenting himself to the rest of the world, all thought, talk, and evidence of his labors behind the scenes should be forgotten. Those who aren’t directly involved in a man’s improvement should never have an inkling of the blood, sweat, and tears invested in who he is and what he does.

I spent my junior high and high school days obsessed with the world of BMX. I read all the magazines, watched all the videos, owned all the best parts, and immersed myself in that world as much as I could. My friends and I were more concerned with learning a new trick than we ever were with girls, school, traditional sports, or video games.

We used to spend hours at an abandoned lot about a mile away from my house. We would dig and dig and dig trying to build up trails that were fun to ride and would bring in some of the local pros.

It was during these years that I developed my largest pet peeve – dirt in my shoes. I hate it. I hate the feel of it, the way it slightly threw off my balance, the time it took to empty them out. I know it’s a minor thing, but it drove me crazy like nothing else could.

As I’ve gotten older, that dirt pet peeve has developed into an overall foot comfort fixation. I hate uncomfortable shoes, droopy socks, or bogus leather.

I know that buying a great pair of socks may not seem to be too far up most men’s ladder of priorities. But once you know what it’s like to wear an awful pair and a great pair, you’ll never be able to settle for the Wal Mart special you acclimated to as a teenager. You’ll need to start wearing something better.

That’s wear Soxiety comes in. Believe it or not, nice socks can cost more than most men are comfortable paying for a T-shirt. Soxiety, on the other hand, has developed a program through which you can buy over-the-calf socks, with your choice of loud or conservative styling, and still start them around $10 a pair.

They source their material and make the socks in northern Italy. They give customers the options between fabrics like cashmere, wool, and cotton. They also make ankle, knee, and mid-calf pairs. Depending on what you select, you can choose between a one-size-fits all approach or something closer to your actual feet.

I’ve had a few of these for the last couple of months and they’ve quickly become my favorite. Rather than having to compromise with one-size-fits-all options, or hope I get lucky at Target and find a pattern I like, or worry about a pair that isn’t tall enough to stay up throughout the day – these have done everything I need them to.

The order process is simple and so is the product. After all, they are socks. It’s not like anyone expects these things to change the world. Instead they become one fewer annoyance to distract you throughout the day. Even if you do choose a loud enough pattern to distract everyone else.

Check out Part 1 here.

I’ve had a few requests to share my Every Day Carry items. You can tell a lot about a man by what he prioritizes keeping with him at all times. So here you go.

1. Cross Ball-Point Pen – I’ve found that carrying around a pen that’s a little nicer than the Bic options we all had in high school makes me more inclined to keep track of it. This isn’t some $300 beauty, but even losing a $10 pen is annoying.

2. Moleskin Graph Paper Notebook – I use this to keep track of to-do lists, my gym regimen for the week, and other assorted notes. Nothing fancy, just nice and simple.

3. Browning Pocket Knife – It should be no surprise that I carry one of these. A knife is one of my Staples. This guy is sleek and simple with just a single blade that comes in under 3″. It’s enough to accomplish most tasks without taking up too much real estate in my pocket.

4. Bersa .380 Thunder. Yes it’s only a .380, but – as the saying goes – “the weapon you carry has more stopping power than the one you leave at home”. I’ve chosen to sacrifice a bit of size for the sake of better concealability with my current style. This is still enough to keep me and my family safe (although I hope I never have to pull the trigger outside of the range).

5. Watch – Today it’s the DW that I reviewed just a few weeks back, but I always wear one.

6. White Linen Handkerchief – This was relatively useful when I was single, saw more use after I got married, and is a daily necessity now that I’m a father. I rarely need it myself, but it sees use almost daily.

7. Chester Mox Wallet – This is a new one they just sent me for review and I’m loving it (if you want to see more of their products, check out this review). Though slim and unobtrusive, it allows me to carry cards, ID’s, and some cash.

8. iPhone – A smartphone almost goes without saying – especially when my business is centered around the Internet.

9. Business Cards – I have a few for Masculine Style and some for Beckett & Robb on me at all times. I never know when I’ll make a good connection and want to quickly exchange information. It’s uncanny how much more perceived legitimacy it offers as well.

The only way I can carry all of this and not have my pants bulging in all sorts of unseemly places is by always wearing a jacket or blazer. I’ll get rid of the pen and notebook when I’m going a bit more casual.

So what do you carry?

Throughout the many conversations I’ve had with different men, I’ve noticed two statements that seem to contradict each other. The first is that your clothing should act like a picture frame – it compliments the man wearing it but doesn’t draw attention to itself. The other is that clothing is one of the best ways to stand out from the crowd.

It would be easy to say that different men have different philosophies in regards to the proper function of a man’s wardrobe, but I’ve made both of these statements myself and have heard plenty of other men do the same. What, on the surface, may seem like cognitive dissonance could actually be a consistent philosophy, it just needs to be applied in the appropriate environment.

For example, there’s a big difference between, “Hey that’s a great shirt” and “Hey you look great today.” Both can be desirable reactions but, in the wrong setting, hearing one or the other can be a negative instead of a positive.

Hey you look great today

This summarizes the ideal appearance when a man’s clothing enhances and communicates who he is, as opposed to drawing attention to itself. These are the kinds of compliments you receive when you make a subtle change and no one can pinpoint what it is – a clean haircut, a suit that fits better, a subtle tan, or even an improvement after a few consistent weeks at the gym.

The ideal scenario for this approach is when you want your character, your ideas, or anything else that is more internal to take center stage. This is the ideal approach when you’re going to a job interview, a day at the office, a funeral, someone else’s wedding, a court hearing or trial, or a religious service.

All of the above are scenarios in which it is a social faux pas to draw too much attention to yourself through your clothing and/or grooming. There are things more important than you as an individual man to which people are paying attention and you do yourself more harm than good by taking attention away from the task or person at hand and drawing it to yourself.

For a visual representation of this approach, check out Don Draper.

The style world references him a lot but that’s because he epitomizes a lot of the good and the bad of modern, urban masculinity. Draper has a uniform. 90% of the time he’s at work he’s in a white shirt, grey suit, and conservative tie. In fact, I’d have to rack my brain to really think of a specific tie the man has ever worn. While Draper’s uniform is a part of his overall presence and appearance, it falls into the background. Both the people around him and the audience pay much more attention to his facial expressions, the words coming out of his mouth, and his actions than they do to the details of his shoes or his pocket square.

So how do you accomplish this? It’s pretty basic and there are just a few things to keep in mind.

Wear solid colors or extremely minimal patterns. A bold, Gordon-Gekko-striped shirt is going to attract attention to itself, whereas a white button up won’t get a second thought. Same goes for suits, shoes, and ties. If at any time you find yourself thinking, “This ______ looks so cool” then it’s probably going to be too flashy to serve as a background piece. No one gets excited about buying solid white and blue shirts, but they serve a vital role in a man’s wardrobe.

Choose simple, complementary palettes. Colors that are opposite each other on the color wheel provide a stronger contrast and, therefore, demand more attention from the person seeing them. Choose colors that are similar to each other. If you have a stronger contrast between your skin and hair tones remember that pairing white with dark shades (charcoal, navy, black) can provide adequate contrast while still avoiding anything that’s screaming for attention.

You will also want to choose colors that are more commonly seen on men in your environment. You may think you’re playing it safe by wearing a red shirt, with a burgundy suit, and brown tie simply because the colors are similar. However, in no time in recent history has red been considered a conservative color. Stick with grey, navy, and charcoal for starters. If you want to expand you can move to black and brown but that’s it.

Wear minimal or no accessories. A wedding ring (if that’s your flavor) and possibly a watch. When you start to move into flashy cuff links, lapel pins, tie bars, additional finger rings, or other accoutrements, you’ll begin to draw attention towards those items and away from yourself. Keep it simple and minimal.

Lastly, you’ll want to dress appropriately for the occasion. If you dress either too far down or too far up, people start to pay attention to you. A simple, every day example of this is a job interview. There’s a reason no one recommends you wear jeans and a T or a tuxedo when you’re trying to get hired – both may get you remembered more than the sea of applicants in simple suits, but they’ll also peg you as an attention seeker who has no grasp of subtlety or nuance.

Part 2 covers the fundamentals of when and how you should dress in a way that your clothing calls attention to itself.