A mere month ago I was playing on the beaches of Oahu with my wife, my family, and no kids. I love my children, but learning the difference between a trip and a vacation was enlightening. I’m going to have to make it a point to do an annual trip without them and let them get their own mini vacation with grandparents and cousins.

As can be imagined, my typical clothing choices for a March in Salt Lake City are very different from what should be worn in Hawaii. Here’s what I packed, along with what I realized a didn’t need to bring, and what I wished I had.

Left to right from top to bottom:

Nike Trainers: One of my favorite parts of the trip was getting the chance to exercise outside. I played around with bodyweight exercises most days and never pushed myself as hard as I do in the gym, but having some shoes that are great for a workout were still necessary.

Ventoso Driving Shoes: These drivers were a perfect way to dress up a bit without looking like I was on the island on business. When we wanted to go out to eat they were an easy slip on and they were great in the airport. I always recommend a shoe that will come on and off easily while having your fourth amendment rights violated by the TSA.

Hollister Flip-Flops: I’ve owned these for eight years. It’s a testament to how little they get worn that they’re actually still in great shape. I recommend getting something cheap and expendable because you never know when they’ll get lost, stolen, or destroyed.

Cabana e Fogo Swim Trunks: Shorter than most guys are comfortable wearing, but some great trunks. These were my go-to pair last year and I was grateful to have them on the trip.

Bluemint Swim Trunks: A new edition to the wardrobe for this trip. These are some high-quality trunks that fit great, dry quickly, and perfectly straddle the line between too short and too long. What’s the point of working on that quad definition if you can’t show it off?

Taft No-Show Socks: I’m friends with the guy who started this company and he’s done very well for himself. If you’re ever inclined to go sockless (and I highly recommend it) this is the most sanitary, sanity-saving way to do it.

Olivers Apparel Athletic Shorts: Just like the Nike’s above, I wanted a good pair of gym shorts. However, with packing space being minimal, I also wanted something that I could wear when not at the beach. These transition excellently from the gym to the streets and are very comfortable in both environments.

H&M White Chinos: While I do like shorts, there’s something a bit more grownup to wearing a pair of pants. White fits the environment well and communicates some intentionality.

Docker’s Lightweight Alpha Khakis: Because we spent a decent amount of time in locales other than the beach, a second pair of tropical-weight pants was a necessity.

Target Tank Tops: Cheap, fit well, great for the beach, the pool, or a workout.

H&M Black Ball Cap: As tempted as I was to take a Panama hat, I was more active than having that hat would have allowed for. While we spent the bulk of our time on the sand, more of it was used playing frisbee, wrestling, or skim boarding than just lying around, so I wanted a hat that could stay on with the activity.

Forever 21 Oxford Cloth Shirt: Great as an open layer over a tank top, or a little more dressed up when buttoned up and worn on its own.

Forever 21 Madras Shirt: Lightweight and great for exploring on the island when not in the water.

Beckett & Robb Oxford Cloth Shirt: This was my airport shirt. The long sleeves help with temperature regulation on the plane and it worked great with a more dressed-up flight ensemble.

Most of this stuff was picked up on the cheap, and that was intentional. With a vacation like this, especially one with more of a focus on beach time and playing than on museum visits or fine dining, I wanted clothes that I wouldn’t miss if something happened to them. While I do advocate paying the best for things like Staples and dress clothes, there’s always a time and a place for cheaper, lower quality items.

That said, neither my shoes or swim trunks came cheap. Drivers are versatile for so much more than just a vacation and a quality pair of trunks should last a very long time. The great thing about those BlueMint shorts is their quality, cut, and classic styling mean they could be something I own and wear for decades. The cost per wear on a pair of trunks like these is significantly less than replacing cheap board shorts every year.

So what did I bring that I wish I hadn’t?

J Crew Oxford Shorts: Even when using limited space, it is possible to over pack. These didn’t get worn once. I had enough by way of pants and swim trunks that there was no real need.

Jewelry: Man this was a rookie mistake. I have my daily wear of stuff that I figured I’d keep on rotation while on our trip. After the first night, none of this ever left my nightstand until we left. Even when we got a bit more dressed up to go out, it was unnecessary.

H&M Espadrilles: These aren’t great for the beach and fell into the over packing territory for anything else. Any environment in which they would have been worn was better served by either the flip-flops or the drivers.

And lastly, what did I not bring that I wish I would have?

Forever 21 Sweatshirt: Simple. Athletic

MyVice Sweatpants: Simple. Athletic

While the temperature difference between Utah and Hawaii was significant, that didn’t mean Hawaii was without its cold nights. I also learned, the hard way, that spending an entire day in the cold water, could lead to some pretty low body temps when coming back onto land in overcast conditions. Even just lounging around our house at night would’ve been more comfortable and enjoyable with a little more body heat retention.

All in all, I believe I did pretty well. That being said, I know what to include and what to omit for the next trip to make it all the more enjoyable.

Yesterday I was a guest on another man’s podcast and a question about luxury watches came up. We talked about how I am saving up for one and that it’s false advertising (on top of financially stupid) for me to put something like that on credit.

This statement led to the host asking about the dissonance between faking it until you make it and false advertising.

I gave an adequate answer, but I’ve had some time to flesh the idea out in my head a bit more and believe this is an important aspect of desiring and learning to dress better. I’ll be painting in broad strokes here because it helps to get the idea across.

Let’s assume we can somehow take all of the qualities for which men are respected and appreciated – attributes like courage, confidence, strength, honor, mastery, generosity, etc. – and bottle all of these virtues up into a scale of Admirable Masculinity.

On the low end of the spectrum, we have guys with very little Admirable Masculinity. They don’t aspire to be much, aren’t confident, don’t take risks, don’t know how to behave socially etc. On the top end of the spectrum are those who are paragons of Admirable Masculinity. They epitomize everything that it means to be a man and do so with what appears to be effortlessness.

Now, I’m certainly not the first man to look at things this way. In this corner of the Internet there are others who use the dichotomy of the Alpha and Beta makes, and those who break it down ever further into sub groups such as Gamma, Delta, Sigma, etc.

Either way of looking at this works, but let’s stick with our scale.

If I’m a man who is a five on our scale of Admirable Masculinity and I dress like I’m a nine or ten, the cognitive dissonance is too much and it’s apparent to everyone around me that I’m a fraud. However, if I only dress like the other fives on the scale, I can’t use my clothing as a way to kickstart my improvement. Even worse, it can keep me from progressing even as I better myself in other areas.

The sweet spot is to dress like a six or seven. There’s enough dissonance to make me uncomfortable, therefore forcing me to either dress worse or improve my level in other areas. But there’s not so much of a disconnect that I become overwhelmed.

An example of this in another arena is weight lifting. If I have a goal of being able to deadlift 500 lbs, I’m an idiot for loading up the bar the first time with 500 lbs. It doesn’t matter if I have the ideal diet, proper equipment, and best coach – I won’t be able to lift that weight without working my way up to it.

At the same time, if all I ever do when I deadlift in the gym is 5×5 at 135 lbs, I’ll never reach my goal of a 500 lbs deadlift either. Without forcing myself to try to lift more weight this week than I could the week before, I’m never going to get any better.

Progressive Overload at the gym is faking it until you make it. Progressive Overload is also a system that can work with a man’s appearance.

Once I move myself up in Admirable Masculinity from a five to a seven, I won’t see any further improvement without faking it until I make it again. I won’t be more honorable without pushing myself out of my new comfort zone, I won’t be stronger without lifting more weight, and I won’t look better without re-evaluating my wardrobe and what it says about me.

So, once I reach a seven, it becomes imperative that I start to act like an eight in order to catalyze more growth. It’s a continuous feedback loop where my self-improvement leads to more of a need to fake being at a higher level, which leads to reaching said level, which leads to more of a need to fake being at an even higher level, etc. etc. etc.

It’s uncomfortable, but that’s a huge aspect of being a man. Comfort is overrated. It doesn’t mean there is never any room to relax and appreciate having moved from a five to an eight, that a man can only be content when he’s maxed out on all Admirable Masculinity. It does mean that we need to be able to be content with where we are, proud of where we are, while continuing to hunger to be better. It will take a lifetime, but that’s the purpose of our lifetime.

We’ve all seen the above quote. It’s a good one and Tom Ford was correct in making it. However, it is becoming increasingly less true.

We live in a culture that no longer celebrates excellence. Not only do we not celebrate it, we ridicule, mock, and deride it. The average Westerner doesn’t want heroes. Heroes make him uncomfortable. They remind him of his dead-end job, his excess belly fat, his poor sense of style, lack of ambition, and contentment with mediocrity. Heroes don’t serve to inspire him. They shame him – even when they dare to tell the average man he can be like them, they make him feel ashamed for not living up to his potential.

Rather than using heroes as a way to motivate, the West is doing everything it can to get rid of them. Fat acceptance, rabid egalitarianism, reality TV… it’s all a rush to the bottom of the barrel where everyone is the same and no one is excellent.

I want nothing to do with it.

An unapologetic pursuit of excellence is the new rebellion. It’s a complete rejection of the morals and ideals that have been projected onto us for the last 20+ years. It’s a way of saying, “Let the average have their average. I want better.”

Every other form of rebellion has had its uniform. Look at the punk movement from the late 70’s and early 80’s, 0r what the barbarians of Rome wore while the empire was crumbling. Well a suit is the new punk rock and those who unashamedly pursue masculine excellence are the new barbarians (h/t Jack Donovan).

So I’ve created a little tweak to Mr. Ford’s statement. One that makes it fit our current setting.

Because it’s now considered bad manners to aspire, to refuse to settle, to see truth for what it is, to see men and women as different, to accept a natural placement of people according to their work ethic and natural abilities, to want equal opportunities but not equal results, to see the world as an “us” and a “them.” Because so much of what used to be considered good is now considered evil, I am happy to know that our dressing well offends the sensibilities of people in the world who are nothing like us and want to see us fail. Let them be offended.